It's Complicated: Lives of American Teens

I caught a TV news segment on Robin Bowman's new book, It's Complicated. Bowman, a photojournalist, spent four years photographing teenagers across America and learning their stories. As the title suggests, the teen years are not necessarily a bed of roses.

Most of the segment was spent discussing Bowman's reasons for writing the book. These included her own not-so-great teen years and her sense that teenagers today have a tougher time than she did. Appropriately, all of the photos shown on air were black and white with not a smile to be seen. So, this was not a hugely uplifting bit of television.

At the end of the segment, they turned to a "teen expert", a psychologist (whose name I have forgotten - I did try to find it, sorry Dr. Teen Expert!) This man brought sanity and real hope in about 15 seconds. (Man, I wish I knew his name!) Guess what he said?

Teens need parents to care for them! They need parents who make the effort to eat meals with their kids, who take time to connect and find out who their friends are, what's on their minds, how they are feeling, what they need.

Well, thank God for Dr. Teen Expert. He didn't let all his education get in the way of common sense. So often I hear "experts" on TV telling us teens need more education, more government programs, more sex, less sex, more therapy, healthier food in the school cafeteria, and the list goes on. This guy had the guts to say, "Mom and Dad, you gotta' take care of your kids!"

I'm not saying raising teens is easy, or that having dinner together will keep your kids out of trouble and improve their grades. Of course, it's more complicated than that. But here's what I know. Every human being needs a place where they are accepted for who they are, where people listen to them with empathy, where they are told - over and over again, in words and deeds - you matter to me. If they don't get that at home, they will look for it elsewhere. Sadly, if they don't get it at home they may - and often do - settle for something far less...which is when it get's really complicated.

Blessings on you, Dr. Teen Expert!
Marilyn

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT

"I NEED TO KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT ...
Please give me a structured environment where there is a dependable routine.
Give me an advance warning if there will be changes. " - Author Unknown

I first learned this concept from my sister. I didn't have any children at the time, so you know it was unusual for me to notice. Her kids (7 and 2 years old) were playing and she told them they had five more minutes to play and then they would need to eat lunch. It struck me because (a) I'd never seen anyone do that before, and (b) it seemed so reasonable, fair and...polite.

I mean, I remember being a kid - well, parts of it...little parts of it. But I DO remember playing the piano and being asked to stop and set the table. Now.

I was not the rebellious type kid (I suspect that was why Mom usually tapped me for the table setting job) but, I did occasionaly experience selective deafness. Asking me to stop in the middle of a piece...honestly, would it kill her to let me finish "Wedding in Birdland"? It's not like I was in the middle of the "Warsaw Concerto"!

Yeah, kids need time to adjust from one activity to another and the younger they are, or the more intense they are, the more time they need. Plus, as I said, it's polite. And kids learn their behavior from...
...you guessed it...
You.

Blessings on you